Scully: Oh my God, Mulder. It smells like... I think it's bile.
Mulder: Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?

Scully: Those were the most paranoid people I have ever met. I don't know how you could think that what they say is even remotely plausible.
Mulder: I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot.

Mulder: Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

Mulder: Will you let me drive?
Scully: I'm driving. Why do you always have to drive? Because you're the guy? Because you're the big Macho Man?
Mulder: No, I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals.

Scully: Mulder, please just keep reminding him you were drugged.
Mulder: Will you stop that!
Scully: It couldn't hurt.
Mulder: Stop it!
Skinner: Scully? Mulder?
Mulder: I was drugged!

Mulder: This whole phenomena is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a government agenda.

Krycek: You must be losing it, Mulder. I can beat you with one hand.
Mulder: Is that how you like to beat yourself? (Krycek cocks the gun) If those were my last words, I can do better.

Mulder: It's 1998, the world is at peace. There's a little trouble at our White House but that'll blow over. So to speak.

Mulder: Sir, have I pissed you off in a way that's more than normal?

Mulder: (spills coffee in his lap) That's great. Now my crotch is gonna be up all night.

Mulder: Whatever happened to playing a hunch, Scully? The element of surprise, random acts of unpredictability? If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced.

Mulder: They say when you talk to God it's prayer. But when God talks to you, it's schizophrenia.

Mulder: He may well have His reasons, but He seems to use a lot of psychotics to carry out His job orders.

Frohike: So Mulder, where's your little partner?
Mulder: She couldn't come. She was afraid of her love for you.

Mulder: I changed it to "Trust Everyone." I didn't tell you?

Mulder: Wow. Admit it, all you want to do is play house. Woman! Get back in here and make me a sandwich! (Scully throws a rubber glove at him) Did I not make myself clear?

Scully: I don't care. Mulder, this is a needle in a haystack. These poor souls have been dead for 50 years. Let them rest in peace. Let sleeping dogs lie.
Mulder: Well, I won't sit idly by as you hurl cliches at me. Preparation is the father of inspiration.
Scully: Necessity is the mother of invention.
Mulder: The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.
Scully: Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we may die.
Mulder: I scream, you scream, we all scream for non-fat tofutti rice dreamsicles.

Mulder: If coincidences are just coincidences, why do they feel so contrived?

Ellen Adderly: Do you have a... a significant other?
Mulder: Um, not in the widely understood definition of that term.

Scully: Mulder, have you noticed that we're on television?
Mulder: I don't think it's live television, Scully. She just said *bleep*.

Mulder: Maybe we should call in a bomb threat to Houston. I think it's free beer night at the Astrodome.

Mulder: Five years together, Scully. How many times have I been wrong? Never! (he looks at Scully) Not driving, anyway.

Mulder: I'm the key figure in an ongoing government charade, the plot to conceal the truth about the existence of extraterrestrials. It's a global conspiracy, actually, with key players in the highest levels of power, that reaches down into the lives of every man, woman, and child on this planet, so, of course, no one believes me. I'm an annoyance to my superiors, a joke to my peers. They call me Spooky. Spooky Mulder, whose sister was abducted by aliens when he was just a kid and who now chases after little green men with a badge and a gun, shouting to the heavens or to anyone who will listen that the fix is in, that the sky is falling and when it hits it's gonna be the shit-storm of all time.

Mulder: But you saved me. As difficult and frustrating as it's been sometimes, your God-damned strict rationalism and science have saved me a thousand times over. You kept me honest. You made me a whole person. I owe you everything, and you owe me nothing. I don't know if I want to do this alone. I don't even know if I can. And if I quit now, they win.

Scully: Agent Mulder. I'm Dana Scully. I've been assigned to work with you.
Mulder: Oh, isn't it nice to be suddenly so highly regarded. So who did you tick off to get stuck with this detail, Scully?
Scully: Actually, I'm looking forward to working with you. I've heard a lot about you.
Mulder: Oh really? I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me.

Scully: Do you have a theory?
Mulder: I have plenty of theories.

Mulder: Do you believe in the existence of extraterrestrials?

Mulder: Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted.

Mulder: That's why they put the I in FBI.

Mulder: If you're lucky, you get 75 years. If you're very lucky, you get 80 years. And if you're extraordinarily lucky, you get to have 50 of those years with a full head of hair.

Scully: I must remind you, this goes against the bureau's policy of male and female agents staying in the same motel room while on assignment.
Mulder: Try any of that Tailhook crap on me Scully, and I'll kick your ass.

Stonecypher: Have you ever been to a team seminar, Agent Mulder?
Mulder: No, unfortunately around this time of year I usually develop a severe hemorrhoidal condition.

Scully: You want me to tell them that you're not going to make it to this year's teamwork seminar.
Mulder: Yes. You see that? We don't need that conference. We have communication like that - unspoken. You know what I'm thinking.

Mulder: I believe... that I sat in a motel room like this with you when we first met... and I tried to convince you of the truth. And in that respect, I succeeded, but... in every other way... I've failed.

Mulder: I want to believe that... the dead are not lost to us. That they speak to us... as part of something greater than us - greater than any alien force. And if you and I are powerless now, I want to believe that if we listen, to what's speaking, it can give us the power to save ourselves.
Scully: Then we believe the same thing.
Mulder: Maybe there's hope.

Mulder: I tied up an air phone for three hours. I don't speak Japanese, but I think some businessman told me to stick a piece of sushi where the sun don't shine.

Mulder: I'll build the ark, you fetch the animals.

Mulder: I do not *gaze* at Scully.

Chuck Burks: Looks like your underground hero went from counterculture to counterfeiter.
Mulder: One more pun and I pull out my gun.

Scully: I don't imagine you need to be told this, Mulder, but you're not a loser.
Mulder: Yeah, but I'm not Eddie van Blundht either, am I?

Mulder: Should we be picking out china patterns or what?

Scully: Mulder, it's such a gorgeous day outside. Have you ever entertained the idea of trying to find life on this planet?
Mulder: I've seen the life on this planet Scully, and that is exactly why I am looking elsewhere.

Mulder: Did you bring enough ice cream to share with the rest of the class?
Scully: It's not ice cream... it's non-fat tofutti rice dreamsicle.
Mulder: Ugh... I bet the air in my mouth tastes better than that.

Mulder: One more anal-probing gyro-pyro levitating ecoplasm alien anti-matter story and I'm going to take out my gun and shoot somebody.

Mulder: Maybe out past where the imagination ends our true natures lie, waiting to be confronted on their own terms. Born in anarchy with an unquenchable bloodthirst we shudder to think what might rise up from the darkness.

Mulder: Evil returns as evil. But love... Souls mate eternal.

Mulder: Scully, I was like you once - I didn't know who to trust. Then I... I chose another path... another life, another fate, where I found my sister. The end of my world was unrecognisable and upside down. There was one thing that remained the same. You... were my friend, and you told me the truth. Even when the world was falling apart, you were my constant... my touchstone.

Mulder: People videotape police beatings on darkened streets. They manage to spot Elvis in three cities across America every day, but no one saw a pretty woman forced off the road in a rental car.

Mulder: It's been said that fear of the unknown is an irrational response to the excesses of the imagination. But our fear of the everyday, of the lurking stranger and the sound of footfalls on the stairs, the fear of violent death and the primitive impulse to survive, are as frightening as any X-File, as real as the acceptance that it could happen to you.

Mulder: One sorry son of a bitch speaking.

Scully: Don't you ever want to stop? Get out of the damn car and live something approaching a normal life?
Mulder: This is a normal life.

Mulder: I would never lie. I willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation.

Scully: Mulder, are you all right?
Mulder: No, it's OK. My ass broke the fall.

The Son: Don't you want to live forever?
Mulder: Not if drawstring pants come back in style.

Mulder: Scully, you have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will. You're my one in five billion.

Mulder: If you don't hear from me by midnight... Feed my fish...

Mulder: They told me that even though my deodorant is made for a woman, it's strong enough for a man.

Mulder: The truth will save you, Scully. I think it'll save both of us.

Mulder: Before I could only trust myself. Now I can only trust you.

Mulder: Just remember boys, this is America. Just because you get more votes it doesn't mean you win.

Mulder: You know, it's funny, when all is said and done, there's not much mystery in murder.

Mulder: Do you think I'm spooky?

Mulder: Why is it that every time I think I know the answers, someone goes and changes the questions?

Mulder: They're shutting us down. It's over, Scully.
Scully: What are you going to do?
Mulder: I'm... not going to give up. I can't give up. Not as long as the truth is out there.

Scully: You're so consumed by your personal vengeance against life, whether it be its inherent cruelties or mysteries, that everything takes on a warped significance to fit your megalomaniacal cosmology.
Mulder: Are you coming on to me, Scully?

Mulder: What you may find is you concentrate on hitting that little ball, the rest of the world just fades away. All your everyday nagging concerns. The ticking of your biological clock. How you probably couldn't afford that nice, new suede coat on a G-woman's salary. How you threw away a promising career in medicine to hunt aliens with a crackpot - albeit brilliant - partner. Getting into the heart of a global conspiracy. Your obscenely overdue triple-x bill. Oh, I'm sorry, Scully, those last two problems are mine, not yours.

Mulder: It's been said that fear of the unknown is an irrational response to the excesses of the imagination. But our fear of the everyday, of the lurking stranger and the sound of footfalls on the stairs, the fear of violent death and the primitive impulse to survive, are as frightening as any X-File, as real as the acceptance that it could happen to you.

Mulder: Sometimes the only sane answer to an insane world is insanity.

Mulder: If coincidences are just coincidences, why do they feel so contrived?

Mulder: Abducted.
Scully: Kidnapped.
Mulder: Pot-ay-toe, pot-ah-toe.